


Guilt is a Motivator

by ambidextrous_otter



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellamy Feels Guilty, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Abuse, M/M, Murphy has Trouble Keeping Food Down, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sassy Murphy, Scars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-05-25 14:52:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6199357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambidextrous_otter/pseuds/ambidextrous_otter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How was he supposed to know that he was going to fall into the stream and that he should've brought an extra shirt?</p><p>Or</p><p>Murphy is out hunting and falls into a stream, causing him to have to walk back shirtless, which prompts some laughter and many questions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"God fucking dammit!"

4 heads turned towards the outburst as the deer they'd been tracking sped away.

"Murphy! What the hell are you-" Clarke couldn't help but stifle a laugh at the sight before her. After everything that had happened, not much was funny to her, but Murphy soaked to the skin and covered in mud sure as hell was.

It didn't help that he was just sitting there in defeat instead of trying to get up.

There was a rustle as Lincoln, Octavia, and Bellamy made their way towards the scene, each stopping in a mixture of shock and humor as the disgruntled Murphy came into their view.

Only Lincoln didn't crack a smile, instead grabbing Murphy by the shirt and yanking him up and out. Of course he had to pretty much rip the shirt in half in the process.

"Well this is just fantastic. I'm soaking wet and now I don't have a shirt. Thanks for the help guys." Murphy rolled his eyes, pulling the tattered shirt off completely, ignoring the widening of the eyes around him. He knew they were looking at the scars that painted his torso, but he was really too cold and uncomfortable to care.

Bellamy was the first to react after nearly 5 full seconds of staring. "Well since drama queen over here scared off the deer, we should head back to camp before he gets sick and has another thing to complain about." He turned briskly on his heel and pushed back through the trees, a still seething Murphy following close behind.

The three trailed a short distance after, with Lincoln leading Clarke and Octavia.

"Did you know he had that many?" Octavia whispered, loud enough that Murphy overheard and picked up the pace.

"No, after the virus he brought back was gone, he refused to let me see them. I just figured that they weren't that bad." Clarke answered, not even bothering to speak quietly, as Murphy had passed Bellamy and was a good 15 feet away.

"My people are very skilled in torture. They know exactly what to do to cause pain but not kill. I'm surprised he lasted as long as you say he did." Lincoln spoke up, glancing back at the girls with a grim expression before turning back and continuing to face Bellamy's back.

"I feel bad that we never asked about it." Octavia confessed, pushing a branch out of the way.

"Do you honestly think he would tell us?"

<~>

**Murphy's POV:**

 

I knew that they would talk about it, but do they have to be so damn loud?

_Boo hoo I have a ton of scars, didn't everyone? At least mentally._

There was a shift in the air as Bellamy caught up to me, walking right by my side despite the trees that kept getting in his way.

"You good?" The voice was gruff and had an uniterested tone. Glancing to the side I was more than a little surprised to see him looking at me with actual concern.

"Friggin peachy. You?" I slowed my pace a little as he started lagging a tiny bit.

_What an old man._

"Me? Yeah, why?" He sounded cautious, as if I was going to anounce that I had injected him with poison and was about to reveal my plot to take over the world.

_Not a bad idea actually._

"I just figured you'd be worried about Raven losing her shit when she realizes you didn't bring her back any food." 

He snorts, a sound that really shoudn't sound as adorable as it does.

"I think I'm more worried that Clarke's going to force me to check you for radioactive leeches." He sent a pointed glance towards my still soaked pants.

"Like you wouldn't love it." This earned my an eye roll and a not so gentle shoulder bump.

Okay, so maybe I didn't completey hate Bellamy anymore. And maybe if he made a move on me I wouldn't object..

But I don't have a crush on him. That's so juvenile.

I risk a glance over and catch him inspecting my torso. I can't help but groan.

"Not you too?" I ask in exasperation.

"Well the scars are horrific, but I'm more worried about your weight."

Uh oh. There's gonna be some feelings talk coming up soon. My mushy conversation senses are tingling.

"Bellamy Blake? Worried about  _me_ _?_  What have I done to catch the attention of such royalty?" I use a higher pitched voice in hopes of brushing off whatever concern he had.

"I'm serious Murphy. I can't have one of my people looking like a twig." Now that's just insulting.

"What about Jasper? and Monty?" 

"Shut up Murphy. Tell me what's going on." He demands and I feel like this is my hundreth eye roll during this conversation.

"I would if I could, but I have order from His Majesty to shut up." Okay now he's actually mad.

He grabs ahold of my wrist, yanking me off the "route" back to camp and into a more covered area.

"Wow Blake if you wanted to get me alone you could've just asked." He scoffs before turning to face me, his face 2 feet away from mine.

"Are you starving yourself?" The question is so blunt it has me choking on air for a second, which he takes as a confirmation.

"Murphy that isn't- why in the world would you-" I cut him off before he can break into a speech about justice and shit.

"I'm not starving myself, okay?"

"Than why are you so skinny?" He asks and I sigh, knowing that he won't drop it until I give him an answer.

"I've been having trouble keeping food down." I'm about to continue but Mr. Motivational cuts me off.

"Why? Are you sick? Do you have an allergy or something?" This one's a real genius isn't he.

"No dumbass. I eat dinner and then I wake up in the middle of the night and puke everything up. Not on purpose." I stress the last line, the last thing I need is this guy hovering over me at meal times.

"Oh." 

What a beautiful vocabulary.

"So.. nightmares then?" Ding ding we have a winner.

"Yep. Can we get going now before the others think that you've succeeded in killing me?" This earns me a wince and dammit Bellamy why do you have to be so serious?

"Because I'm serious about you."

I don't even register that apparently I'm saying my thoughts out loud now because holy shit that just came out of his mouth.

His mouth.

The mouth that is leaning suspiciously towards mine at an alarming pace.

When his lips meet mine he sighs and it's possibly the most attractive thing in existence.

Resting his hands on my bare hips shocks me into reality and I began to kiss back.

To be honest I have no clue what I'm doing.

I did not expect my first kiss to be Bellamy Blake.

His grip tightens and I can't help the shiver that runs up my back.

With a small groan-yes it's also sexy as hell- he pulls away.

"You're freezing." He states and I try to wipe the enamoured look off my face.

"I always thought I was quite hot, but whatever." 

"How about I warm you up back at camp?" 

 

I don't think I've every been so eager to go back in my life.


	2. Clarke's Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So there's some clexa love in this chapter.  
> Mostly Clarke worrying about stuff and Lexa reasurring her.  
> And of course Murphamy fluff.

**Clarke's POV:**  


  


"I didn't think to watch out for Murphy of all people. I always assumed he could more than handle himself." I confess. I love talking to Lexa about everything, and  she can be very helpful in sorta out my cluttered mind.

"He probably can watch out for himself. He didn't freak out about the scars did he?" She runs her fingers through my hair and I smile slightly, nodding.

"Then he isn't mentally unstable or anything. You worry too much." 

She's right. I do tend to worry a lot ever since I made the wrong call with letting Murphy be hanged. Surprisingly, it's never been about Murphy until now.

  


"It's just... I feel like there's so much pressure for me to be aware of all possible problems. Especially now that my mom's here." I know my mother depends on me to keep her updated on the thoughts of the other "ex-deliquents".

"Unless someone or something is a danger to your camp, it's not your responsibilty." She answers, moving my head off her lap and onto her stomach as she lies back eagle spread on the floor of the tent.

"You're right."

"I know."

<~>

**Murphy's POV:**  


"You can stop staring you know." I whisper, facing the ceiling.

"Sorry. I'm just a little enamoured with you right now. I'll go back to hating your guts anytime you want." the still very naked Bellamy rolls onto his side, now staring even more noticeably.

"I mean, I always suspected that I would be great in bed, but you're creeping me out here." That came out much harsher than I meant it. I really need to work on this kindness thing.

"Sorry." He huffs before rolling away completely.

_Great, now I've pissed him off._  


Rolling towards him, I grab him by the shoulder and tug until he's on his back. Not very romantic I know, but it worked.

I try to be gentle as I grab his chin and turn his head until his eyes meet mine. 

He looks away far too quickly, so I do the only thing possible.

I lick his face.

"Eww Murphy!" He's quick to react by dramatically scrubbing at his cheek.

"You weren't saying that when I had that tongue other places." I grin as this banter is something I'm more used to.

"Shut up." Now he's blushing.

"I'm pretty sure it was just an endless string of moans, but no eww-" I cut off as he practically jumps on top of me.

I knew I was sexy but damn.

I don't even have a chance to react before his lips are on mine, kissing away whatever comeback I had prepared.

Pulling away, I realize something.

"I like you." It's just a whisper of three words, but Bellamy's eyes widen and I swear his jaw hits the floor.

"What?" Again, with the amazing vocabulary.

"Don't look so surprised. After all, I did let you put your dick in-" And wow he's kissing me again.

I reach up and thread my fingers through his hair, letting my body relax as I kiss him deeper.

His tongue reaches out to mine and I gasp, my eyes closing against their own will.

And then my stomach growls.

_Cockblocked by myself._  


"Let's go get food." He whispers and that sentence has never been sexier.

"It's not like I'll be able to keep it down." He winces and I feel like hitting myself.

"I'll stay with you tonight." He pecks my lips once more before climbing off. I let my eyes follow as he begins to get redressed.

_Wait, what?_  


"Umm no you won't. Seriously Bellamy that's not happening." I protest, grabbing a new shirt and tugging it over my head.

"You don't get a choice." 

Such a charmer, this one.


	3. A Murphamy Sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy gets a look into Murphy's problems.  
> (Sorry I suck at summaries)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm going to put a trigger warning for PTSD. There will be a summary at the beginning of next chapter for those who may skip it.

**Bellamy's POV:**

 

I'm startled awake as the sound of sobbing reached my ears. Sitting up so fast my vision blurs I glance over at reason for the noise. 

Murphy was curled into a ball, his fingers fisted in his hair, shaking and sobbing loudly while asleep. Or at least, he looked asleep.

"Murphy, you okay?" I whisper, reaching towards him to wake him up.

Bad descision.

The second I touch him he shoots up and scrambles away to the opposite side of the tent, his breathing frantic.

"I'm sorry- I can't tell you- _please stop_." He manages the words over his sobs, eyes glazed over as he stares at me with a heart-breaking look of fear.

"Murphy? It's me Bellamy, calm down." I stand up before dropping into a crouch, trying to get him to meet my eyes.

He just whimpers and wraps his arms around his torso so tightly I could see his fingers dig into his sides. I can almost hear his heart hammering.

There are tears running down his cheeks and his entire face is flushed and blotchy.

Sighing, I decide to take another approach.

"Murphy, tell me what you're seeing." I force my voice to harden, knowing that I needed to know what was wrong in order to help him.

"Grounders-blood- _omigod please stop._ " His entire body tenses up and before I could move he had sprinted out of the tent.

Following after him, I stop when seeing him hunched over by a tree, vomiting up possibly everything he had eaten today.

Cautiously walking up behind him, I stop a few feet away, not knowing if he was back to "normal" or not. Or as normal as Murphy can be.

After nothing but the sound of him dry-heaving I took a step closer, accidentally stepping on a branch. The sound wasn't even that loud, but Murphy's reaction was. He spun around, and upon seeing me began to scream.

"Please! No! I swear I-" He cut himself off by begin to vomit again, and I notice with alarm that only bile was coming up. 

"Murphy." I say gently, holding my hands up to show him I had no weapons.

He just flinches before beginning to mutter to himself. I crouch down once more and he begins speaking louder.

"I swear, I threw it all up-please don't force me- _I hate it_ -please stop." Then he passes out, his body still twitching and shuddering on the ground.

I stand staring at the boy in front of me who was hiding so much pain. Carefully, I move forward and drag him into my arms, thankful he didn't fall into his own vomit. 

I carry him back to the tent, mentally noting how light he was and how he kept twitching every time I made the slightest noise.

When I place him back on his bed, he sits up so quickly I have to jerk my head back to avoid getting headbutted.

Thankfully, his eyes are clear, and he looks nothing but confused and embarassed.

"Bell? What's happening?" His voice was ragged from crying and vomiting and I couldn't help but flinch a little as the sound seemed to scrape out of his throat.

"You had a- a nightmare doesn't even cover it. We need to talk." At my words his eyes widen and he subconsiously curls into himself, a gesture that makes my heart break.

"Oh. You can leave if you want." His voice is timid and resigned, as if he had been expecting me to ditch him at the first chance.

"I'm not leaving you. I just think you should talk about-" I cut myself off as I realize I don't know what to call what I had just seen. It was much more than a nightmare.

He huffs a sigh of annoyance before tapping the bed in the space next to him.

I stand up and, acting simply on my urges, grab him and tug him into my lap. I wrap my arms around his torso and bury my face into his neck for a second.

I was just so mentally wrecked from what I had just seen, and I guess a part of me needed to physically confirm he was okay.

"Um Bell? You realize cuddling is so not macho right?" His voice holds his usual sass and I like that so much better than the terror from before.

"Shut up for a second." I pull back so that I could look at him, searching his face for any signs of fear or discomfort. Instead I was met with confusion and something that looked like delight.

"I thought you wanted to talk?' His voice is teasing, but had a wary tone to it.

"I do. Tell me what happened in the Grounder camp." He immediatly tenses up and looks ready to refuse, but something in my expression made him sigh in defeat.

"They tortured me Bellamy. That isn't anything new." He mutters, clearly trying to brush it off as if I hadn't just witnessed a mental breakdown.

"Tell me what they did to you." I insisted, holding him still as he tries to squirm out of my arms. I knew the second I let him go he would go back to avoiding everything.

"Why? You wanna copy their techniques?" He voice is bitter and I can't help the impulsive tightening of my grip.

"Fuck no. I'm just trying to help you." I answer, shocking myself at the sincerity in my voice.

"I don't need help." He objects, but his voice is wavering.

"I just watched you think I was a grounder torturing you, run out of the tent to vomit, then pass out. Do not fucking lie to me." Something in my tone or face made his eyes soften, and his body relax.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." 

"I'm sorry you had to live it."

He sighs before pushing me back on the bed so that I was flat on my back. Instead of moving away, he threw an arm around my torso and curled into my side so his head was on my chest, tilting up to look at me.

"I'll tell you what they did. Just... don't interupt unless I start-" I nod and he copied my nod a few times, trying to reassure himself.

"They started off with torturing me like you'd expect, knives, fists, fingernails being torn off, the usual." He breaths in a shaky breath, his arm squeezing as if to make sure I am there.

"Then they got more creative. Apparently I talked in my sleep about my parents. They started taunting me about my father, saying he was probably so dissapointed in me, as if the scum knew anything about him. Everytime they got a rise out of me, they'd-" He coughs before letting his eyes fall shut and continuing.

"They heated up their swords and random pieces of metal in this fire. Everytime I said no to answering their questions, they'd press it into my skin. Do you know how disgusting the smell of your own skin burning is Bell?" His voice cracks on my name and I look down to see tears dripping onto my chest.

"But you want to know about the puking right?" I nod jerkily, forcing myself not to tell him to stop and just go to sleep. He sounded so broken, so exhausted.

"I thought it was a tiny bit of kindness at first. On the 2nd day, they brought me breakfast. All this food that they watched me eat. If only I had known.." He trails off and I stayed silent, letting him collect his thoughts.

"Then they made me puke it all up. They told me to stick my fingers down my throat, and when that didn't work they took it upon themselves. Sticks, carefully angled so it would trigger my gag reflex. They would make me do over and over again until I was left in a puddle, just dry heaving." At this he broke down, his hand gripping my side as a flood of tears and a sob escaped him.

"The 2nd day it was three times. The 3rd day, I broke on the fifth time. I know, I was weak, but that coupled with the burning.. I couldn't take it anymore Bell." He cries, tears streaming down his face, and I hug him to myself, letting him sob and whimper his emotions away.

When he finally calmdc down I tilted his chin up to force his eyes to look at mine.

"You were not weak. What they did to you- I would've have told them everything on the first day." I say honestly, having no idea how he managed to last so long.

"I just-sometimes at night when I wake up from those nightmares, I'm back there again. That's why I've been throwing up I guess." He whispers and I nod before kissing the top of his head.

"We're going to work through this okay? I'm not going to leave you alone." I promise, letting my eyes close, drowsy from the intensity of everything that just happened.

"Okay."


	4. Helping takes Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for those of you who skipped it, the last chapter had Murphy confessing to Bellamy that the grounders forced him to throw up as a form of torture, and that he wakes up in the middle of the night and throws up as a reflex.

**Murphy's POV:**

 

Waking up is one of my least favorite things. Whenever I can actually manage to have decent sleep that is filled with nightmares, the last thing I want to do is wake up from it.

Sadly it's impossible for a human to sleep forever unless they're dead. Which I don't really have plans to become any time soon.

"Murphy? You awake yet?" The sleep-filled voice has me turning my head to look up at the man who I've turned into my human pillow during the few hours of sleep I got.

I've somehow managed to wrap a leg around his waist, and my arm around his shoulder. I'm surprised he hasn't shoved me away by now.

"Yeah I'm awake. You?" This prompts my pillow to snort before unfortunately trying to sit up.

I subconsiously cling tighter the second he tries to move, which causes me to be pulled up with him until I'm in his lap.

"Umm.. Murphy?" He sounds as if he's trying not to laugh.

"Yes your highness?" 

"You know you're going to have to let go of me eventually right?" He sounds confused, but not upset. Not that I can blame him, I'm not the most cuddly person.

_Why am I still even talking to him? Last night he saw me at my worst, I should want to be distant._

 

"Fine." I sigh, climbing off of him to stand at the door of the tent.

He laughs and it takes me a second to realize that I'm fully prepared to leave while only dressed in boxers.

"I like your outfit" He chuckles and I can feel my face getting red.

"Shut up." I quickly walk over to wear a pile of my clothing lays, grabbing a pair of pants and shirt that doesn't have too many holes in it.

He sighs before standing up, seeming to notice that my half-asleep docile nature was gone.

He grabs his own discarded clothes from before, tugging them on without even glancing over at me.

 

I do the same, only pausing once I grab my jacket from the floor.

"Why are you still here?" I ask, knowing full well there are many ways Bellamy could interpret it.

"Because I said that I wouldn't leave." He replied, meeting my eyes finally.

The air is tense, and I can tell he's waiting for me to decline his help or that last night even happened.

"Ok." I answer.

 

<~>

**Bellamy's POV:**

 

 

I try not to notice all the prying eyes that have been on us since the second I stepped out of Murphy's tent.

I know that they're all wondering what the hell I was doing in there, and why I was making my way through camp with Murphy at my side.

As far as they knew, Murphy and I still hated each other.

 

I make my way towards Clarke, who's talking to Octavia near the edges of camp.

She catches meets my eyes before flickering her gaze over to Murphy, who seems just a set as I am with ignoring all the stares.

She looks a little confused, but I can tell she won't comment on it.

As I reach her Octavia looks over, and winks at me with a knowing smirk before silently walking away.

"Hey Clarke." I greet and she looks away from the Murphy at my side and relaxes her stance a little.

"Bellamy. What can I do for you?" I knew she wasn't going to say anything.

Smiling, I casually throw my arms around Murphy's shoulders.

"Well since Murphy scared off the deer yesterday, I was going to offer to go hunting with him to make up for it." I see Murphy roll his eyes and have to resist ruffling his hair to annoy him further.

"That sounds good. Is it just going to be you two or?" She asks purposely raising an eybrow in suspision.

_She's definately going to want to talk to me later._

"No." My head snaps towards Murphy, who looks more than just a little annoyed at the moment.

"We wanted to take Octavia along." He continues, a challenge in his expression showing that he clearly is not up for any one on one heartfelt talks at the moment.

"Yep." I nod my head, avoiding Clarke's even more suspicious gaze.

"Okay, well.. have fun?" It sounds like a question as she turns and walks off.

 

I quickly pull Murphy aside, into an area of the camp where most can't see us.

"What's wrong?" The words leave my lips before I can remind myself not to be too overbearing.

"Nothing." He snaps and I roll my eyes.

"Tell me, why don't you want it to be just the two of us?" I ask, seeing his eyes flicker to the ground and stay there.

"I just... I don't want to get too attached." He mutters.

"What? I already said I'm not leaving you." 

"I know. I just don't want the only friend I have to be you. I don't want to always be dependant on you, so I think I should make more friends."

Oh.

I'm not sure whether to be happy that he's accepted that I'm not leaving him or sad that he thinks I'm his only friend.

"I'm not your only friend."

He shakes his head in frustration before meeting my eyes.

"I know you say you won't leave, and I believe you. But one day you'll be put on a seperate hunting party or I'll have to go do a job and I can't have you being the only being person I can talk to about things."

I'm so confused right now.

"I don't understand what you're saying."

"Bellamy. I trust you for some unknown reason. I'm just saying we should bring Octavia along so I can practice trusting other people."

I nod my head, in awe of how smart Murphy actually is, at least when it comes to his own emotions.

 

"Plus with the way things going she's gonna end up being my sister-in-law one day." He smiles and I can't help but take a step forward until my chest is against his.

He smirks before wrapping his arms around my neck and pressing his lips against mine.

Memories of yesterday come back and I immediately kiss back, letting my hands go to grip his hips.

He tilts his head to the side and I'm just about to deepen the kiss when I hear an all too familiar cough.

 

Octavia grins before tilting her head to the side.

"I heard I was going hunting with you guys?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update and bad chapter! I've been struggling with writer's block.  
> Next chapter will have some the trio hunting, while Octavia grills them about their relationship.


	5. The Youngest Blake and Her Permanent Smirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy-Octavia bonding, cuddles, and even a dead animal.

**Murphy's POV:**

 

_Well this is awkward._

 

Octavia Blake was possibly the only person I respected in this camp besides Bellamy.

To be honest, she sorta terrifies me.

But, if I'm going to make friends at least I know she'll tell me when I fuck up.

 

I flit my eyes to the left, jumping back slightly when her gaze catches mine and the smirk on her lips grows even bigger.

 

"Wow Murph, you're jumpy today." She observes and I roll my eyes, trying to ignore the thought that she could very easily kill me.

I notice Bellamy glance back, seemingly just as uncomfortable as I am with me walking alone with his sister.

"No I'm not, just apparently you've never heard of personal space." I snap, avoiding her eyes.

 

"I've heard of it, I just didn't think you'd mind seeing how close you were to my brother earlier." 

_She did not just say that._

"Can you two shut up? We're supposed to be hunting not gossiping."

_Bellamy to the rescue, my hero_

 

We walk for a few minutes in silence, Bellamy following an invisible 'trail' that neither Octavia or I could see.

 

"Hey Murphy?" I look towards the now somewhat sheepish looking girl, surprised that she broke the silence before I did.

"Yep?" 

"Lincoln wanted me to let you know that he's gonna get you a new shirt.." She trailed off, seemingly uncertain about how to talk to me without sarcasm.

"Because he ripped my other one in half?" I smile and she seems more shocked than I am at the action.

_Might as well give this whole making friends thing a try._

"Yeah, and he said that the one he ripped was too big on you or something." Wow, I was not expecting that.

_Looks like Bell isn't the only one who noticed._

"What can I say? I've got the body all girls want." I smirk, winking at her as a grin grows on her face.

"And apparently the body my brother wants too." She laughs and Bellamy noticably stumbles in front of us.

I choke back my laugh, deciding the see how flustered I can make Bellamy.

"Oh yeah, he definately loves my body." I purr and watch a blush creep up the back of his neck, almost hidden by his curly hair.

"I could tell, from the way he was grabbing you earlier." Octavia adds and shit I think he's turning purple.

"If you think he was grabby then, you should see him in bed." 

"Really? Do tell."

"Well first he completely str-" I'm cut off my fully red Bellamy grabbing my wrist and yanking me forward away from the snickering girl.

 

"What the hell Murphy?!" He snaps and it only then occurs to me he might actually be angry.

"Relax Bell, we were just kidding around." I say meekly, looking at the ground. This earns a sigh and his hand shifts to lace his fingers with mine.

"Look, I'm glad you guys are getting along. But I prefer you didn't share the details of our sex life." He says, pulling me closer. I notice that Octavia has apparently dissapeared so I allow myself to be drawn in.

"Don't worry darlin, that part of you is all mine." I smirk, leaning up to press my lips against his.

"How are you always flirtatious?" He whispers before pulling me back in. I can feel my cheeks get warm as his free hand moves to the small of my back. It slips under my shirt and I move closer to his chest in surprise of how warm it is. 

"You're cold again aren't you." He pulls away slightly, eyebrows furrowing in an all to familiar concerned expression.

"You gonna warm me up like last time?" I attempt to bring the attention back to kissing but he just smiles and pulls me into a hug.

"Nope, cause that would require removing your clothes and you're cold enough as it is." I feel like I should pull away at the rejection but he's just so damn warm.

 

"Ahem." I can feel Bellamy jump back but I don't relinquish my hold on him.

_What can I say? He's hot._

"Sorry to barge in on the love-fest but I shot a boar." At this I pull away to see the brunette holding a boar-like creature's carcass by the tail, looking all too impressed with herself.

"What the- You know, I'm not even surprised a this point." I admit, shrugging at her before pulling away from my human heater.

"You shouldn't be. Do you guys want to keep going or?" She asks, looking pointedly towards the small amount of space left between Bellamy and I.

Bellamy, who I think is still in shock over his sister catching us hugging.

_This guys a piece of work._

"No. Seeing how Murphy is somehow one cold wind away from hypothermia again, I think we should head back."

_He speaks._

"Not everyone can be freakishly warm like you Bell." I say snarkliy, only half perturbed by his 'delicate Murphy' speech.

At this Octavia drops the boar-thing and strides forward, raising a hand. For a second I think she's going to slap me and can't help the small flinch that has one of her eyebrows raising.

Instead she places a hand against my forehead before sighing.

"You're burning up. You probably got sick from falling in the river yesterday." She explains before grabbing her killing and nearly jogging back to camp.

_Huh, maybe she doesn't want to get sick._

 

 

"Come here Murphy." I turn towards Bellamy, noticing his open arms and walking into them with only a little hesitance.

I feel him place his own hand on my forehead before hugging me tighter.

"We should probably get you to bed." He whispers, wrapping an arm around me and starting to walk back to camp.

"I like the sound of that." I smile and see him roll his eyes out of the corner of my eye.

"None of that until you're better." He laughs and I walk faster.

"Better get to Clarke then." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have some slight Clexa as well as sick Murphy and of course doting Bellamy.


	6. A Leader Always Worries

**Bellamy's POV:**

 

He was so pale and small.

Trying to avoid glancing at the feverish boy next to me, I grab Murphy's wrist and nearly drag him back to my tent.

"I thought we were going to see Clarke?" His tone is soft and amused, as if he somehow knows how worried I was.

_It's probably only a cold but still..._

"I can bring her to you, you look like you need to lie down." I say gruffly, once again struggling not to turn around and attempt to kiss all his sickness away.

It's bad enough he's lost so much weight from the nightmares, but now he's sick too.

"Pft, you just want to get me into your bed Bell. Don't lie." He chuckles and I can't help but smile in relief that he's still as snarky as usual.

We arrive at my tent and I quickly grab an extra jacket before piling blankets on.

"Woah there, don't drown me now." He laughs and I slow down, stopping to kiss him briefly before turning on my heel and setting out to get Clarke.

~

~

~

_I probably should've knocked..._

Clarke quickly untangles herself from Lexa, pulling a shirt over her head before turning to face me with a sheepish yet pissed off expression.

"Can I help you?" She asked and I noticed Lexa sit up while facing me with the most judgmental look I've ever gotten from a shirtless girl.

"S-sorry. Um, Murphy's sick and I wanted to know if you could- but you're obviously busy and I'm probably overreacting so I'm just gonna-" I stammer, trying to avoid her eyes.

She sighs before throwing Lexa what I assume to be an apologetic look before grabbing my wrist and leading me out of the tent.

"Next time you should make your presence known before entering." She muttered, already walking towards Murphy's tent.

"Uh.. Clarke?" She turns, looking at me blankly as I feel the blush creep up my neck.

"Murphy's in my tent." I shrug at her raised eyebrow as she starts off towards my tent.

"Of course he is." She sighs and I try to shake the redness from my face before jogging to catch up to her.

~

Entering the tent, I find Murphy staring at the ceiling with glassy eyes, only glancing in acknowledgement to Clarke.

"Murphy? You okay?" I ask, not sure how I left a sarcastic teenage and came back to someone who looks on the verge of passing out.

"S'yeah. 'M great" He slurs and I watch as a frown covers Clarke's face as she goes and places a hand to his forehead.

"He's got a fever, and he looks really pale... Has he been eating?"

I blanch, knowing Murphy would not like me sharing the result of his nightmares.

"Yeah, why?" I ask, knowing it's not a complete lie.

"He looks really thin, but maybe that's just Murphy." She nods to herself before placing her fingers on his neck, and I notice that Murphy's eyes have fluttered shut.

"His pulse is normal. I think he's just got a cold, but it's worse because he's so thin and most likely sleep deprived." She states and I nod, flicking my eyes worriedly to the sleeping boy.

"I'll have Lincoln bring over some herbs for tea that will help him. And maybe you can convince Octavia to use some of the boar she just brought in for soup." She gives me a soft smile before leaving.

"Thanks." I whisper to an empty tent before crouching next to Murphy.

Brushing his hair away from his eyes, I just sit and watch him breathe with a contentness I didn't know I had.

~

I'm jerked out of my Murphy induced trance by said boy coughing himself awake, the noise rattling through the silence in a way that made my eyes grow wide.

Grabbing the tea Lincoln had brought by, I place it to his lips once the coughing had subsided. Ignoring his annoyed murmur that he could do it himself.

After a few sips he grabs the cup out of my hands, and gives me the slightest look of thanks before drinking more.

"Hey, Clarke said you shouldn't talk if it hurts, so just keep drinking the tea okay?" I whisper as he opens his mouth to speak.

He nods, handing me the cup back so I can place it on the ground.

"You stayed." The whisper is rough and I want to admonish him for speaking, but the vulnerable look in his eyes stops me.

"Of course. I couldn't let you hold your own tea." He smiles a little, his eyes brightening ever so slightly.

With a yawn he lays back, and I can't help but grab his hand as he drifts back off into whatever luckily nightmareless dream he was having.

 


	7. Sometimes a Nurse Needs Comforting

**Murphy:**

 

When I come to once more, I'm relieved to notice the tightness in my chest has left, giving me the pleasure of being able to breathe.

"Murphy?" I turn towards the sound, smiling when I notice Bellamy looking absolutely wrecked and half asleep.

"Hey Bellamy? How long have I been out?" I clear my throat, trying to get rid of that annoying raspy quality. My throat aches, but there's no spark of pain when I talk so I figure it's okay. Besides, I can't stay quiet for too long.

"Uh, probably around 14 hours, I haven't really kept track. You woke up a few times but seemed sorta dazed." 

_14 hours huh, I wonder if he's left._

"So what've you been up to?" I sit up, smirking at how he immediatly moves to place a hand on my back.

_This is a whole new side of Bellamy._

"Well I um-I sorta just stared at you the entire time to be honest." He blushes hard and I notice how the bags under his eyes stand out.

"Have you slept?" I squeeze the hand that I barely even noticed I was holding.

"A little." He mutters, ducking his head down and I frown at this sudden meekness.

"Bell?" Now I'm worried. Did I get him sick? Something about the set of his shoulders doesn't seem right, he almost looks like he's-

"Yeah?" I flinch at the voice crack, squeezing his hand harder until he looks up at me.

There are tear trails running down his cheeks and I've honestly never felt so alarmed in my life.

"Bellamy. What's wrong?" There's no reason for him crying, I'm not dead and it's not like he poisoned me or something.

He just shakes his head, looking down again and I have absolutely no idea what to do.

I just woke up from my own personal Sleeping Beauty escapade and instead of a kiss I get a crying boyfriend.

_So he's your boyfriend now?_

Shut up annoyingly correct voice in my head.

Back to the problem at hand.

"Seriously Bell, you're freaking me out. No one died right?" The question may sound strange and probably extremely insensitive in the case that someone actually did die, but it's a casual question for someone like me, aka someone who's watched people die over and over.

"No, though you could have." 

"What are you talking about? I had a cold." I scoff, I knew Bellamy was a drama queen but really.

"It would've been an average cold if you weren't so skinny." At that I flinch, knowing that Bellamy is the only person who knows that I'm not only just naturally scrawny.

"Okay, but that's not your fault, so why are you upset?" He's looking at me again and at least the tears have stopped.

"Isn't it though?" 

What.

"If I hadn't had you banished you would've never been taken by the Grounders and you wouldn't have those nightmares that make you-" I cut him off with a sharp and most likely cruel laugh.

"By that logic this is Charlotte's fault. If she hadn't killed Wells this wouldn't have happened. Or maybe it's Clarke's. If she hadn't come down here with us neither would've Wells. Or hell, maybe it's even Jaha's fault for having a kid in the first place! Yep. Definitely Jaha's fault." I rant, not stopping until Bellamy was looking at me with annoyance rather than the guilty look he'd previously been wearing.

"I was the person who hung you." 

Was he even listening at all?

"And I hung you. Plus I also gave you a horrible Grounder disease that made you bleed from everywhere. So no hard feelings."

_His stupid hero complex can't accept that we both fucked up but are happy now._

"I know logically you're right.. but watching you lie there looking half dead made me realize that I could've lost you. And that it will always feel like my fault." 

"Okay but I didn't almost die, or else Clarke would be here. And you've already proclaimed your desire to help me with the whole nightmare thing. I don't blame you okay? I made just as many mistakes, if not more, than you did. Now please can stop with this sappy crap so I can makeout with my boyfriend?"

_You said boyfriend again, out loud this time._

Before I have a chance to take back my words, my mouth is muffled with a certain pair of lips. 

Thank god.

I let myself fall into the kiss, pretending not to notice the revival of a certain body part. Letting my fingers tangle in Bellamy's hair, I pull him on top struggling not to roll my eyes at the way he props himself up so as not to crush the weak little damsel, aka me.

I open my mouth, turning my head as the kiss turns sloppy. It quickly becomes one of those kisses they don't show on television, complete with tongue action and boner touching.

As Bellamy pulls away I open my eyes, not even remembering shutting them.

"Boyfriend huh?" 

I try my hardest to not let the fact that I was rapidly turning red affect my speech.

"If you want."

"I definitely want."

 

 


	8. Time to Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Murphy try to figure out wtf they are.  
> (little bit of unexpected sexy shit in here)

**Bellamy's POV:**

 

I don't understand how he's so forgiving. I literally watched as a crowd of his "friends" strung him up and then kicked the box out from under him. If we didn't cut him down, he would've died. I would've stood there and watched him die.

It's something I've felt guilty for ever since the act occurred, yet now he's telling me that he no longer hates me for it?

Before the stream I never even considered that he might be suffering from more than the nightmares. Yet if it had been anyone else that was captured after banishment and tortured I would've gone into immediate parent mode as soon as they returned. 

Now this boy, with the scarred skin and eternal smirk, wants to be with me.

 _With me_ , the very man who would've stood by and watched him die.

"Bellamy?" Turning my eyes back to the seemingly recovered Murphy I can't help but wonder how long I've been lost in my head.

"Yeah?" He huffs a sigh and I can only assume that means I missed something.

"I asked if the whole boyfriend thing meant we had to go on dates and shit?" Regardless of his deadpan tone I can see the hope in his eyes, leaving me to wonder if he's ever had a real relationship before.

"How old are you?" I blurt, realizing that I'd never actually learned his age.

"Okay that came out of nowhere." He mutters and it takes me a second to process that he's avoiding my question.

"Seriously Murph, how old are you?"

He says something under his breath and I just stare at him in annoyance before he rolls his eyes and repeats himself.

"17." 

Shit.

He's 17 now, which means he was probably 16 when we landed.

I hung a fucking 16 year old. 

I hung a child. 

I'm a horrible person.

"Is this the part where you freak out cause you slept with a minor? If so can you do it fast, because I was trying to have a conversation here."

I didn't even think of that.

I slept with someone Octavia's age.

"How old are you anyways? 30?" He sounds a little worried now, which is weird because I'm the one who just found out that I not only slept with a child but also hung him.

He wouldn't have been floated on the Ark because he's a minor, but the second he was down here we strung him up like a pinata.

"I'm 23." I hear myself say, proof that at least part of my mind is working.

"Well that's a relief. At least you're not a total old man." He laughs, seemingly choosing to ignore the fact that I'm malfunctioning.

"Murphy I'm 6 years older than you. You're Octavia's age. You're not even an adult yet and-" I know that I'm rambling and that the best idea is to just turn around and leave but part of me wants Murphy to tell me how age doesn't matter or whatever.

"You're right. This is totally fucked up."

What.

"Then again, so is sending a bunch of teenagers down to a possibly poisonous world and then abandoning them to fend for themselves. So is the fact that the only reason we're in this positon is because the birth of your sister was illegal."

_He has a point, even if it wasn't the most delicately put._

"The truth is Bell, I haven't trusted anyone this much in a very long time. And I can't believe that of all the people in the universe, the one who I trust is you. We've tried to kill, betray, and ditch each other most of the time we've been on this fucking planet. But for some unknown and probably completely insane reason, I like you. And you  _care about me._ So I'll be damned if I'm gonna give that up due to an age gap."

I breathe in, trying to absorb the fact that the most snarky and sarcastic person I've ever met is also so incredibly right.

It's like he knew exactly what I wanted to hear, but I could tell that he wasn't only saying it to placate me, that he geniunely believed it.

"Okay." I practically sigh the word, but I know he hear's it by the way his eyebrows raise in surprise.

"Alright. Good. Um, so do we makeout now or?" 

I've never rolled my eyes this much with anyone.

I lean forward and peck his lips, pretending to pull away and expecting him to follow.

Letting him lean forward just enough to make his back arch, I put my hand on his cheek, realizing that he'll need to shave soon with all the stubble he's got. I lean in again, and open my mouth against his, giving him the chance to explore at his own will. He grabs at my shoulder and pulls me closer until our chests are touching and I let my hand fall from his cheek to his upper thigh. I can't help the shiver when he traces the top of my mouth with his tongue and I immediatly respond in turn, sliding my hand higher until it's resting over his crotch.

He pulls away and throws his head back, slowing grinding up into my hand. I grip him through his pants, noticing that he's alreadly half hard.

With a groan he pulls me on top of him until he's lying back down with me covering every part of his body with my own. I move my hand in favor of threading it through his hair and I angle him down so I can kiss him again. 

I grind down into him, moving my lips down to the skin on his neck and lightly nipping at a spot until it's turned bright red. I move back only to rid myself of a shirt and then quickly tug off his. 

I trail my lips along the line of his neck down to his collar bones, reveling in the way he shudders and arches up into my touch.

"Fuck Bellamy." He breathes as I manage to slid my hand under his to grip at his ass. I just smile against his skin in response, trailing down to his abdomen, blowing air over his skin and watching goosebumps break out. 

"You are so fuckin hot" I whisper before sliding back up kissing him before pulling away completely. 

_I'm such an asshole._

"Are you serious?" He groans, throwing an arm over his face dramatically before removing it to glare at me.

"Sorry babe, but you're still sick and I don't want to strain you." I smile wickedly before grabbing him by the hips and tugging him until we were cuddling.

"I hate you." He mutters and I just smirk before shifting so I can place my chin on his shoulder.

"Nope, I think you actually like me." I tease, referring to how during his declaration of hatred he wiggled closer. 

"Fine, but I hate your body then." He huffs, seeming to realize a second too late that I had proof that he didn't.

"Whatever you say baby." I murmur, feeling oddly exhausted.

_Well you have been starring at Murphy wrestling with guilt for 14 hours._

"Babe and Baby? Didn't know you were so big on pet names." He teases with an oddly soft quality in his voice.

"Shut up Murphy." I groan before giving in to the darkness of sleep.

"That's more like it."


	9. Tackling the Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy tries to fatten Murphy up, which leads to arguing and angst.

**Murphy:**

 

Waking up from our well needed nap was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. Being able to-ugh- cuddle with Bellamy is an experience I'm never going to take for granted. Maybe I'm a little touch-depirved, but that only adds to the awesomeness of waking up in a hug.

After I had managed to drag myself, and Bellamy, awake he had decided that we should go and eat some of that boar that Octavia had somehow managed to slaughter in the 5 seconds she had left us alone.

Which leads to the present.

Bellamy is currently trying to balance 4 skewers of meat on top of dish of berries with one hand, while the other hand has 3 different skewers of meat and and a plate of what looks like some type of vegetable.

_I hope that isn't all for him, though it would explain why he's so muscular._

Finally managing to make his was back to where I was sitting outside his tent on a bunch of blankets, he meets my gaze with a triumphant grin.

Passing me 5 of the skewers and both dishes he plops down next to me, seemingly ignoring my confusion at why he needed to bring an entire buffet over.

"Um Bell?" I question as he starts digging in, still not relieving me of the abundance of food.

"Yeah?" He asks, thankfully swallowing his food before turning to me with an expectant look.

"What part of this is mine?" I ask, still not clear if I'm expected to just sit and watch him eat.

_It'd make sense, seeing how you're going to puke everything up later._

"What do you mean? I just gave you it" He seems confused, his eyes darting to the pile of food that has now been placed on the blanket next to me.

"You expect me to eat  _all of this_ _?_ " I exclaim, my voice going a little higher than normal.

"Well yeah, since you obviously need to gain some weight..." He trails off and just like that my confusion is cleared.

_He's trying to fatten you up. It shouldn't be this endearing._

"Bell, I can't eat all of this." I sigh, noticing the stubborn look he usually wears creeping onto his face.

"Why not?" His voice is defiant, even though I can tell he knows what I'm going to say.

"Because I'm not going to waste food like that." I groan as his eyes widen, and I can tell we're going to be launched into yet another deep and most likely depressing conversation.

"What the hell do you mean,  _waste food_ , you're eating it aren't you?" His tone is challenging and I want to just give in despite how irrational this all is.

"Yeah, but what's the point of eating a ton of food if I'm just going to puke it back up later?" 

_There it is, took you long enough to say it out loud._

Maybe I should see Clarke about this voice...

Bellamy flinches and I feel a pang of hurt at the betrayal that leaks into his features.

"I said I was going to help you. Don't you believe me?" The hurt tone in his voice has me grabbing his hand and squeezing.

"I do believe you dumbass, but I'm not going to be fixed over night." I whisper, letting my eyes flicker warningly towards the group of teens passing our tent, their gossiping whispers incoherent yet undoubtedly about me.

"But the last two times you slept you didn't have any nightmares though." At this I flinch, knowing it would be brought up eventually.

"The first time I was sick, and the second time, well, I did have nightmares but you were asleep and-" His eyes widen and I nearly flinch at the sudden anger in his eyes.

"You should've woken me up!" He whisper shouts, apparently also noticing how the group of teens from before have stopped maybe 12 feet away, not bothering to be discreet with their staring.

"You were exhausted, I know you didn't sleep any while I was sick, and I didn't puke or anything, just woke up a few times." I try to placate him, feeling intimidated even though I know that the anger in his eyes isn't directed at me, but more at himself for sleeping.

_Fucking hero complex._

He sighs, looking defeated.

"I don't want you going through it alone." He mutters, all defiance and anger suddenly drained.

"Going through what, I just told you I didn't puke." 

"I don't want you waking up in fear and having no one to talk to. I'm sure we both know how much that sucks." His eyes have a deep sadness to them and part of me wishes I had just eaten the damn food so none of this happened.

"Bell. I wasn't alone. I don't care if you were asleep, for the first time in who-knows-how-long I wasn't alone. Just having you by my side helped, trust me." I squeeze his hand once more, smiling when he squeezes back.

"I'm sorry you were alone for so long." He whispers and I tilt my head.

"Not your fault." The world has faded away so much that it seems like only Bellamy and I exist, allowing me to move closer to him, maneuvering around the food until our legs touched.

"I could've told you how I felt sooner." He shrugs and I can't help my eye roll at how he seems to think he's at fault for everything.

"So could've I, dumbass. Now, are we gonna eat this food or let it decompose into fertilizer for Monty's drug garden?" I smirk and feel a jolt of success when he turns towards me with a small grin.

And maybe I smile back into the kiss that follows, but I'll never admit it.

 


	10. Acceptance is Never Complete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the group takes it upon themselves to question Murphy's newfound relationship.

 

**Murphy:**

_Oh hell no._

There is absolutely no reason why Clarke, Octavia, and Raven were stalking over to me. 

I haven't done anything wrong in the last few days, unless you count the usual sassy of every authority figure. So why the fuck is the notorious trio stomping towards me.

_Perhaps they just want me to do something for them?_

It's a feeble thought, one that is quickly dissapated by the utter defiance in Raven's expression.

 

"Murphy!" Clarke barks my name in her usual reprimanding tone, although I haven't even twitched from my spot; knowing that running is futile.

I plaster on a cocky smile, deciding to just let the girls say what they want before making my departure.

"How can I help you ladies?" My tone is icy, and I can't help but feel that I just lost any possible friendship with Octavia.

"We need to talk to you. Preferably somewhere private." The brunet huntress offers a meager smile before becoming steely faced once again.

"Okay... Well my tent's literally a foot away so we can go there." I'm beyond confused, not even realizing that I've just called Bellamy's tent my own.

Clarke and Raven nod in sinc, their formal act seeming more practiced by the second.

 

Making our way into the tent, I ignore the dissaproving glances that Raven shoots the minor mess that Bellamy and I have somehow managed to make.

"So what do you want?' I snap, fed up with their mysterious nature.

"We know about you and Bellamy." It's the first thing I've heard Raven say, and I don't miss the venom in her voice.

_So that's what this is about. They've come to tell you about how you don't deserve him._

I knew it would happen eventually, but I was hoping to get a couple more hours of bliss before the people Bellamy considers friends told me to leave him.

"Good for you. And?" I let my eyes glide over their faces, playing dumb to what they're about to say.

"We just want to know why you're with him." Octavia states, earning an approving nod from Clarke.

"What do you mean why?" Now I'm confused again.

"Well I personally think that you plan to manipulate him for your own gain and then betray him, but these two are convinced that you've somehow become human." 

_At least she's honest._

Raven has never held back or covered up her disdain for me. It's possibly her only redeeming quality in my mind.

 

I can't help but think that she should be right. The old Murphy would've done exactly that, with the added bonus of using Bell for sex. 

That's what should've happened when Bellamy revealed his feelings, yet I was stupid enough to let my feelings for him reside long enough to grow big enough to impact my rationality.

I know that Bellamy will eventually grow tired of me, and I should be using the limited time I have for my own personal gain, but instead I just want him to be with me.

I want to take the chance that for some stupid reason, he might stay. Might grow to.. to love me.

 

"I like him." Is my reply. I've always been shit with words.

Raven rolls her eyes, and I brace myself for whatever scathing words she's been saving for me.

"Do you swear?" Octavia cuts her off, her expression open and earnest in a way I've never seen before.

Deciding that she at least deserves more than three words for an explanation, I turn towards her, decidedly blocking out Clarke and Raven.

"Bell's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't know why he cares... but he does. And I know I'll eventually fuck it up, but I'd never hurt him on purpose. Not after..." Here I trail off, having no clue how to explain every way Bellamy has helped me without getting into my own issues.

"Okay." This comes from Clarke, and I realize with a jolt that both her and Octavia are smiling. Well, Octavia is more grinning like a kid on Monty's mushrooms, but still.

Raven turns on her heel with a huff, obviously not even considering that my words were truthful.

Octavia and Clarke follow, Octavia still grinning like a madman.

As they leave Bellamy brushes into the tent, holding a small box and wearing an expression of curiosity and wariness.

"What was that about?"

"Just your everyday interrogation." I smile and he looks even more bewildered.

 


	11. The Tale of the T-shirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter with some well deserved fluff.

**Murphy:**

"So what did you say?" 

I'm halfway through explaining why there were three of the most terrifying girls in our tent when the inevitable question comes up.

No way am I going to repeat what I said to Octavia, no need to make Bellamy mushier than he already is.

"That I only liked you for your dick." I smile so he knows I'm kidding, and am rewarded with a short laugh from curly haired weirdo in front of me.

I let my attention stray back to the box that he brought in, hoping that I'm making my questioning glances noticeable enough so that Bellamy will tell me what's inside that damn box.

 

"You want to know what's in the box." It's a statement that has my head nodding enthusiastically.

He sighs before pulling the mystery box between us.

"Well go on, open it." He motions with his hands and I can't help but suddenly feel hesitant.

"It's not gonna explode right? Raven didn't give it to you?" This earns another laugh, accompanied by his hands slowly lifting the top of the box off.

_For fucks sake._

It's a shirt. And not just any shirt. It's a shirt that is somehow the color pink. 

"What." Bellamy burst out laughing, his shoulders shaking and his face turning the color of the shirt.

"It's from Lincoln." He manages to get out before breaking into another spiel of laughter.

"Why is it pink." This is the most confused I've ever been. It doesn't help that the question makes Bellamy gasp for air.

"He said-he said it was-" He's actually crying. I had no idea that someone could laugh this hard without drugs in their system. My face must be pretty hilarious, that or Bellamy broke into Monty's stash.

"It what? Get a hold of yourself Bell."

"He chose the color to reflect your feminine nature." He's finally stopped laughing, although still letting out the occasional chuckle.

_Well it makes sense, a guy like Lincoln thinking you're feminine. I bet Bellamy thinks I'm going to freak out._

Smirking, I pull my current normal colored shirt off, and slip into the pink one, immediately noting how it fits much better.

And Bellamy's jaw drops.

"You-you like it?!" His tone is incredulous, but his eyes have taken on just a spark of lust.

"Well it's not my favorite color, but it fits really well. And it's not too heavy. Lincoln should go into clothing design." I smile cheekily as Bellamy's face turns redder than I've ever seen it.

"Oh." 

Honestly it's not a bad shirt. I wouldn't mind wearing it occasionally, plus it would give people a reason to mock me, which gives me cause to punch them in the face.

Okay, maybe I'm a little violence-deprived at the moment.

"Do you think I look bad in it?" I ask, jutting out my bottom lip and widening my eyes in faux disappointment.

"Fuck no. Um.. you look amazing. This is-" The great Bellamy Blake is at a lost for words.

Who knew the only way to stop his rambling is to wear something pink?

"Do I look.. Pretty?" I can't help myself, making Bellamy blush and fumble is my favorite pastime.

"Oh fuck. Yeah you- you look gorgeous. How-" Seems Bellamy is kinky, who would've thought?

This is definitely worth exploring.

 

 


	12. Discovering Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which people pick on Murphy and people other than Bellamy come to his rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: homophobic slurs and very minor violence

 

**Murphy:**

 

"What the fuck is he wearing?"

"I don't know, but he looks ridiculous.."

"He's wearing pink!"

"Maybe he lost a bet?"

"He's probably drunk."

"Maybe he ate some bad mushrooms?"

The amount of whispers I was getting was just ridiculous. I've been living with these people for what feels like ages now, and I've seen each and every one of them make questionable fashion choices. It's the ground, the rule with clothing is: If it fits and keeps you warm; you wear it.

So why are so many people in shock at the color of my shirt? 

_Just ignore it Murph, keep your head down. You promised Bellamy no fist-fights today._

 

"Hey Murphy! What the fuck are you wearing?!" Crap.

_Deflect, just deflect and keep walking._

"What the fuck are you talking about? I'm wearing clothes, aren't I?"

_Good, sassy but not offensive._

 

"You're dressed like some kind of faggot if you ask me!"

  _What the fuck. Seriously, this guy is just baiting me at this point._

 

"What the fuck did you just say?" My voice was quiet, trying not to attract any more onlookers.

 

_If I'm gonna murder this guy, then there's gonna be as few witnesses as possible._

 

"I said you looked like a faggot. Guess it suits you though, seeing as how you've been taking it from Blake."

 

_How. Fucking. Dare. He._

_He has no right bringing Bellamy into this._

_I'm gonna kill him._

 

I could feel my face twist into something ugly, my nails digging into my palms. 

 

"You're dead asshole"

 

I took two steps forward, and punched the guy in his teeth.

_Fuck._

_That hurt._

There was a small crowd around us now, and I took advantage of it by pushing the jackass into the throng.

 

"Looks like Bellamy hasn't fucked the fight out of you after all." The dick-wad sneered, a couple guys emerging from the crowd to stand behind him.

 

_Damn it, of course he'd be the type to have a posse._

 

I flinched as the guy raised his arm, already preparing myself to get pummeled.

 

"Cameron!" An angry Clarke stepped into the half circle, with no other than Raven trailing behind her.

 

"What?" The douche nugget asked, already stepping away from me.

 

"What the hell do you think you're doing? You're supposed to be on smokehouse duty right now!" 

_That girl sure can yell, she clearly takes after her mother._

 

"I know, I was just having a talk with Murphy here. I'm allowed to talk to people, right Your Majesty?" The asshole had the gall to look offended.

 

"Shut up. We both know that you two were fighting, not talking. Usually I'd leave you to it, but I need Murphy to help me with something, so whatever he did: drop it." 

Why does she immediately assume it's my fault?

_You did punch the guy.._

 

"Fine, I'll drop it" 'Cameron' turned to me, face reverting back to a sneer "Just make sure the faggot wears some decent clothes next time."

 

_This guy's an idiot. Clarke literally has a girlfriend._

 

"What did you just call him?" I've never seen her this pissed at a fellow Arker before.

 

_Well, at least one that isn't me._

 

Cameron, sensing his mistake, was smart enough to take a few steps back. His buddies had disappeared the second Clarke showed up.

 

"Look, I don't mean anything by it. But- look at his shirt!" I think this dude's about to piss himself.

 

"What's wrong with my shirt?" A voice growled, as the camp's favorite 'tame' Grounder stepped out.

 

_The guy has definitely wet his pants now._

 

"Y-Your shirt?" Cameron looked disturbed and possibly on the edge of tears as Lincoln crowded closer to him.

 

"I made that shirt as a gift to Murphy. Are you saying my gift isn't suitable?" 

When the guy failed to answer-too busy stuttering and looking around for support- Lincoln took the liberty of picking him up by his shirt collar.

 

"N-No" Cameron finally managed.

With that, Lincoln released him, dropping him to the ground.

After a few tense moments of glaring and silence, the now defeated piss-sponge turned tail, pushing his way through the crowd and running off.

 

"You good, Murphy?" Clarke asked, her face turning soft.

 

_Why is she being so nice?_

 

"Yep, I could've handled that myself though." I shrugged off whatever unnecessary concern she had, turning to Lincoln.

 

"Thanks for the shirt, by the way. It's of much higher quality than any of the clothes around here." I tried to appear friendly, having never had a legitimate conversation with the Grounder before.

"You're welcome. I must go to Octavia now, we are chasing a radioactive squirrel." 

And just as quickly as he appeared, Lincoln was gone.

 

_How does a guy that big move that fast?_

 

"You sure you're okay Murphy? What that guy said... that was really harsh." I never thought I'd see the day Clarke looked worried over me.

 

"Harsh? Nah, that was nothing. You probably wouldn't know since you were in isolation, but that type of talk was always thrown around the joint back home." I tried to laugh it off, though in reality it was unnerving that a stranger like Cameron knew about Bellamy and I's relationship.

_It's not like you've been hiding it._

 

"If you say so. Bellamy mentioned that you were trying to stay out of trouble, so I figured you could use a hand." 

_Bellamy talks about me? To Clarke?_

 

"What she means is that Bell would've gone on a rampage if he found out you'd been murdered by a bunch of homophones." Raven finally spoke, everything in her voice screaming aggression despite the fact that she had just been on my side in a fight.

 

_I don't think her standing next to Clarke silently counts as being on 'Your side"._

 

"Whatever, I'm just glad I didn't have to bruise my hands beating that guy's face in. Would've made things in the bedroom a lot more difficult." 

I smiled, winking as Raven wrinkled her nose and Clarke stifled a laugh.

 

"Babe, I thought we decided to stop talking about our sex life to other people." 

 

_Thank god for Bellamy._

 

Turning around, I can't help the surge of relief I feel at seeing this boy.

I think I'm actually turning into a pile of goo.

 

"I never made any such agreement." I can't help but smile, disconnecting from the rest of the world as I walk towards my boyfriend.

 

"I heard a rumor that you got into a fight, what happened?" All of a sudden Bellamy's tone turned serious, though a small smile was still present on his face.

 

"Just some loser mocking my new shirt. No fighting involved, just me verbally destroying him."

 

A small cough came from the background.

 

"Clarke helped as well. And then Lincoln showed up and the guy practically pissed himself." I amended, throwing a half smile over my shoulder at the blonde.

 

"Huh. I never thought I'd see the day." Bellamy crooned, leaving me confused as usual.

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

 _Who knows what goes on in this dork's head, he's dating you for Christ's sake._  

 

"The Murphy Protection Squad has been formed."

 

_What._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates. I suck, but I felt unmotivated and nobody seemed to really like this story so yeah. Anyways, enjoy!


	13. Bye Bye Security Blanket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Murphy stays home alone, The Murphy Protection Squad unites.

**Murphy POV:**

 

_I'm fucked_

 

"Come on Murph, you're gonna be fine." And shit I said that aloud.

 

"I just don't understand why Lexa is insisting on taking you out with her. There's a dozen other guys who would love to go out hunting with the Grounder Queen." 

I know I'm acting like a child, but I just can't help it.

 

"I don't really know either, but I don't think I have a choice." 

 

"Why not?" Okay that was definitely whining. 

 

"Ha, I've done a lot of stupid shit in the past Murph, and I'd rather not add getting my ass beat by an actual member of the royal grounder family to that." 

 

_He does have a point. But.._

 

"I just- I don't want you to go." Wow I sound pathetic. As if I couldn't possible spend a couple of nights without Bellamy. Yet, I've gotten so used to his presence I'm not sure if I can just detach myself. I don't want to go back to waking up screaming, only to spend the rest of the night frozen. Alone in my tent, eyes never quite adjusting to the darkness.

I can feel myself panicking just at the thought of it. Reliving the horrors of my past over and over without anyone there to confirm that I actually made it back. That this isn't some major trick.

That I'm going to blink and be back with the Grounders, listening to them laugh at how puny and weak I was for believing in such a dream. 

 

There's movement and I realize that I've somehow ended up on the floor, Bellamy crouched in front of me. 

 

"Hey Murphy? You okay?" I don't even notice that my hands are quivering, having been so lost in my thoughts I forgot to keep a hold on my emotions.

 

"I- I don't want to be alone again." There. I said it. I admitted to just how dependent I've become on this boy.

 

"Hey, it's alright. You won't be alone." He speaks as if I'm a wild animal, yet I'm not irked as I should be. Instead I feel strangely comforted.

_Wait.. I won't be alone?_

 

"What do you mean? You hire a babysitter or something?" It's a foreign concept, the idea of someone staying with him just for the purpose of making sure he's okay. I'm not sure how to feel about it, knowing that whoever gets stuck with me is only doing it out of a debt to Bellamy.

 

"No, I mentioned to a couple people that you might not like me going away and they volunteered to come stay with you so you weren't alone."

Did he just say a couple?

 

"A couple? That means only two, right?" 

 

_Not that I'm okay with any number of strangers staying in my tent._

 

"Well, it started out as only two." What. What does he mean 'started out'.

 

"what."

 

"But then it kinda turned into 5?" 

 

Shit. I can't have 5 people near me. I can't handle that many people knowing my shit. But Bellamy looks so hopeful, so proud of himself for recruiting babysitters.

 

"Listen Bell, I appreciate that you thought of me but.. I'm not comfortable with a bunch of strangers sleeping in my tent and discovering my problems." 

That sounded sincere enough. Truth is I don't want people finding out how weak I am, how much I need Bellamy there.

I used to be fine on my own, but I guess I've adapted to having comfort after waking up in fear.

 

"Don't worry! They're not strangers, they're your friends!" He sounds so proud of himself that I hate to put him down.

 

"Um Bell.. I don't really have friends at this camp." 

 

"You do! Or at least people who want to be your friend." He insists and I can't help the prickle of annoyance at his blatant refusal to believe I'm unlikable.

_It's kind of sweet._

 

"Sure. And who would that be?" I sneer, trying to get my aggravation across without hurting his feelings.

 

"Clarke, for one. And Octavia, which comes with Lincoln. And Jasper- you guys get along." 

 

"I tried to kill him once." 

 

"Yeah! Only once! Plus he's over it."

 

"Fine, and who's the last person?" So far I'm fine with the people invited to a sleepover on my behalf, although I'm not looking forward to falling asleep to the sounds of Octavia and Lincoln doing god knows what.

 

"Um, well.. you're not going to like this one. But she has good intentions. Plus Clarke thinks it's about time to resolve the conflict you guys have."

 

Shit. There's only one person he could be talking about.

 

"It's Raven, isn't it." 

 

"Yep. But don't worry! She assured me that she'll be on best behavior." This man is too much. While I admit the idea was kind, I don't know why he decided to forgo actually letting me in on his little plan.

 

"Ugh Bell. I don't want a bunch of people to find out... you know- what I'm like." 

 

"What do you mean? We all get nightmares Murphy." 

 

"Yeah but yours end when you wake up."

 

_Well that sounded less dramatic in my head._

 

"Just- give it a chance? Please? For me?" And now he has grabbed my hand, looking as if my refusing will bring him to tears. 

 

"Fine" 

 

"Alright! I'm gonna go tell the gang and then I'll head out with Lexa."

Wait.

 

"Right now?" I ask, confusion and desperation in my voice. It's not like Bellamy isn't already aware that I'm clingy.

 

"Sorry darling. Lexa barely gave in when I told her I wanted to say goodbye. Apparently she has a 'schedule'". 

A thought occurs to me and before I register it I'm pulling Bellamy into a hug.

 

"Be safe. Please." I sound pathetic, yet can't help but express the fear I have of Bellamy leaving and not coming back.

 

"Of course. I'll bring something back for you, alright? See you in a couple of days." He begins to shift and I can't will my arms to let go, instead just squeezing tighter.

 

"Ahem." I jerk away from Bellamy, looking up to see Octavia standing at the opening to my tent, holding the flap back with Lincoln standing over her shoulder.

 

"O-Oh. Hey O, I was just about to come get you guys." He looks as surprised as I am, so I can rule out him knowing about their early arrival.

 

"We knew Murphy here would say yes. After all, who wouldn't want to spend a night with me and Lincoln?" She smirks, moving into the tent. The rest of the group trails in behind her, all hesitation except for Lincoln who plops down on the floor, dropping a pile of blankets.

 

"O, please don't corrupt my boyfriend." With that Bellamy pecks me on the lips. Once. Twice. Thrice. Four times and-

 

"Omg Bell, you're scarring me. Get out of here before Clarke's girl decides to skin you alive. He'll be fine with us."

 

And with that Bellamy is gone. And I have five pairs of eyes staring at me.


	14. Mama Clarke Activate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm gonna try to make this chapter longer than usual in order to make up for my sporadic updating patterns.
> 
> Some of this chapter is going to be from Clarke's POV because I love her.
> 
> ALSO- Trigger Warning for mention of am abusive and underage relationship.

**Clarke's POV:**

 

John Murphy is many things, but bashful is not one of them. Which is why his current expression of hesitation and the rising blush on his face is so confusing. I knew this whole sleepover thing was gonna be weird, but I didn't expect it to start out with Murphy blushing the second Bellamy left.

The room jumped as Octavia made a big show of clapping her hands before grinning and reaching up to sling an arm around Murphy's neck, dragging the lanky teenager down to her level. 

"Alright! Let's get this sleepover started!" With the kind of confidence only Octavia radiates she dragged Murphy over to the bed and plopped down, meeting my eyes expectantly. 

Murphy however, was now staring at the floor with what mimicked horror, his face reddening even further.

 

"Cool! So to start off I brought some booze and snacks. Which I know by trial and error is the best and only way to ensure a wholesome sleepover experience." Jasper dragged over a blanket and spread it out of the floor and pretty soon everyone was sitting cross legged on it, with the exception of Octavia and Murphy, who were still perched on the bed.

 

"Octavia." Lincoln spoke up, seeming content to sprawl out of the floor. The girl in question looked up from where she'd been muttering about giving Murphy a mani-pedi and smiled at the ex-Grounder who was waiting patiently.

 

"Yes?" 

 

"Are you sure you want to be sitting on that bed- knowing just how frequently your brother and John share it?" Lincoln smiles innocently as Octavia shoots upward with a disgusted look on her face, launching herself away from the bed and towards her boyfriend instead. 

 

"Why I can't believe what you're implying, Lincoln. Bellamy and I are both perfect gentlemen and never participate in such roguish activities." Murphy's voice lilted, the blush disappearing from his face as he lifted his nose in an act of haughtiness.

 

 "Please," Octavia scoffed, "I'm sure all the people who have seen you around camp and in the woods, including myself, would disagree."  Lincoln barked out a laugh in agreement.

 

"Well at least Bell and I aren't like a certain couple I know who seem to be halfway to doing it every time their seen together." Murphy snickered, finally taking a seat on the blanket between me and Lincoln.

 

The trio immediately launched into an argument about who was more raunchy and PDA-obsessed, that was highly amusing to listen to. However, my attention ended up focused on the one person seemingly disconnected from the friendly chaos. 

 

It seems like this sleepover has already started bringing out hidden sides of people, because much like I have never seen Murphy bashful, I've also never witnessed Raven Rayes unsure.

 

She was sitting with the group, but not participating. There were no sharp comments sent Murphy's way, or inside jokes being shared with Jasper. Instead she was just... watching.

Eyes flitting back from Murphy and the ground, seeming like she wanted to jump in, but wasn't sure how. Naturally, I began to feel my 'leader' instincts kick in. 

 

"Guys! You're all disgustingly cute with your significant others, but Lexa and I are the best okay?" Without giving anyone a chance to argue I continued, "Let's play a game."

Four curious pairs of eyes turned to me, only Raven's staying frozen on the ground.

 

"What kind of game? A drinking one? Cause I'm totally up for that." Jasper grinned, already reaching for his bag. 

 

"Somewhat. I suppose since you already went out of your way to bring alcohol, we might as well include it." Jasper smiled even wider, pulling out a large bottle from his bag. He began to struggle with the top, which I was about to help him with before Murphy sat up straight, looking miffed. 

 

"Wait wait wait- I never agreed to playing any type of game." Murphy spoke up, suddenly looking nervous. I opened my mouth to reply and try to coerce him, but Octavia beat me to it. 

 

"Please Murph. You're the guest of honor right now. That means that you get to be the center of attention, not that you get to decide the activities. Plus, booze." Octavia flopped over Lincoln towards Murphy, smiling sweetly at him while reaching for the bottle.

 

"That is a good point. Continue." Murphy declared, giving in and snatching the bottle from Jasper and giving it to Octavia to open. 

 

"What type of game shall we play? I know a few from my people, but none that could be done without fire or the removing of clothes." Lincoln asked, getting sidetracked when Octavia smirked and leaned up to whisper in his ear.

 

"Let's play 20 questions. I heard from Bellamy that a lot of people played that on the Ark." I suggested, glad that my plan was working out.

 

"I mean, that's cool, but how do we incorporate the alcohol?" Jasper asked, already trying to steal the now open bottle back from Octavia.

 

"Well I'm not a huge fan of forcing people to open up, so how about whenever someone doesn't want to answer, they take a drink?" I suggest, hoping that we don't have any sad drunks in the group.

 

"Alright, let's go." Octavia clapped her hands again and just like that, the sleepover had begun.

 

xxx

**Murphy's POV:**

 

 

Oh shit. Barely 10 minutes into this game and it's already a bad idea. So far I've learned that Clarke has always wanted blue hair, Octavia has a slight daddy kink, and that Jasper once hallucinated a talking tree while on mushrooms. 

Don't ask me how these things came up, but they did. And I have taken way too many shots for my own good.

 

I figured out pretty quickly that Clarke wanted the more reserved members of this gathering to get drunk so they would open up and lead to bonding, yet for some reason I'm still playing. The only one who hasn't been asked a question is Raven, whose turn it currently is while everyone tries to think up a question for her.

 

"Okay! I got one. If you could swap lives with anyone in camp, who would it be? And you gotta tell us why." Octavia blurted, leaning over from her newly acquired spot in Lincoln's lap in order to shake a finger at Raven, who had already opened her mouth in protest. 

 

"Um. That's actually an easy one. I would swap with Monty. As for why- well he's a cool person and everyone likes him. Plus he's smart so I wouldn't lose any of my intelligence." She finished off her answer with a small smile, which dispersed upon glancing in my direction. Everyone nodded approvingly at her answer yet I didn't divert my attention quite yet. 

 

I never thought Raven would be one to avoid conflict, especially conflict with me. Bellamy must have really grilled her considering she hasn't made one snide comment yet. In fact, she's barely made any comments at all. Something is up, Raven is not a shy person, and I should try to figure it out but honestly I'm verging on the right side of tipsy right now so I can't really bring myself to care.

 

Clarke leaned forward to spin the bottle in the middle of our makeshift circle. We had decided that was the fairest and most random way of deciding who would be questioned, plus Jasper had brought an empty bottle along with a full one. Whether that meant he had already drunken it or had thought that this sleepover would turn into some kind of kissing orgy I have no idea. And again, honestly too buzzed to care.

 

Naturally the bottle decided to land on me at that exact moment. I swear this game is rigged somehow, most likely Raven's doing. Immediately Raven opened her mouth to speak, but Octavia thankfully jumped in an beat her to it.

 

"Okay, serious question. And you better answer honestly. Do you love my brother?" With that sentence the entire roomed paused, eyes snapping over to me. 

To say I was speechless was an understatement. First of all, I had no idea what the truthful answer to that question was. Second of all, I didn't want Bellamy to find out from his sister my feelings. So I answered the best I could, understanding that reaching for the bottle was out of the question.

 

"I don't really know. Honestly. I haven't really been in a healthy relationship before, so I haven't felt that way about anyone romantically yet. But I think I'm well on my way to." Octavia smiled before reaching forward to spin the bottle, thankfully directing the limelight away from me.

 

A few more turns passed and I mostly stayed out of them. Only chiming in once when Jasper claimed to have the best hair in camp, arguing on Bellamy's behalf of course. 

 

When the bottle next landed on me Lincoln decided it was a great idea to ask me about sex positions and I once again drank, laughing as Clarke quietly explained/admonished him for wanting to know such specific things. He didn't seem very apologetic.

 

The bottle next landed on Raven, who stated that her favorite people in camp were machines, despite sending a grin Octavia's way. Then Clarke, who answered that she'd rather have a brother than a sister, explaining that she didn't want people to confuse her with said imaginary sibling. Then it landed on Lincoln, who was becoming more and more open with ever round, who shared that he thought Octavia was the most beautiful and incredible person on Earth. Which was very sweet until it led to the two of them sucking face until Clarke intervened.

 

Then once again it was my turn, and this time when Raven opened her mouth, no one interrupted her.

 

"Okay Murphy. No drinking your way out of this one. You said before that Bellamy was your first healthy relationship. Tell me about the unhealthy one or ones." It didn't slip by now somewhat intoxicated mind that she said 'me' and not 'us', but for some reason my brain didn't care much for the fact and decided to move my lips instead.

 

I moved to reach for the bottle, taking a swig and then meeting Raven's gaze. My mind was replaying all my bad hookups with closeted dudes and the ocassional experimemation with girls but then my mind landed on one. A story I had never shared. The alcohol and desperation to end up bonded with this group like Clarke wanted kicked in, and suddenly I was spilling one of my darkest secrets.

 

"Well there was this one guard back when I was locked up, who I messed around with for a while. That was a mistake- she turned out to be super manipulative and shit." Oh fuck. That was something I hadn't even mentioned to Bellamy. _Fuckfuckfuckfuck_

 

"Wait, she? I thought you were gay?" Raven pressed, ignoring the obvious 'stop it' glance Clarke shot at her. 

 

"Uh yeah, I am. But- you know. I was little when I got put away. Could've really gotten myself into trouble. Almost did a few times. She looked out for me in there. And y'know, I had to pay her back some way." Okay I really needed to stop talking. I obviously can't handle my liquor as much as I thought, considering how loose my lips were being at the moment.

 

Glancing around at the now frozen faces nearest to me, I tried to backtrack. 

 

"I mean, it was fine and all. Quid pro quo and all that. A symbiotic relationship. Ugh- I really really need to stop talking. Can you guys just forget I said anything?" This night was not going well at all. Thanks Raven.

 

"Murphy-" The mechanic began, but I cut her off, suddenly very interested in the pattern of the blanket we were sitting on.

 

"Please. Just drop it. Who wants to spin next?" 

Thankfully the group around me untensed and Octavia reached towards the bottle, her lips quirking down only slightly.

 

God this night was gonna be long. 


End file.
